By Jeremy Tyler · Mental Health · Trauma
We often talk about bullying as if it’s a temporary childhood inconvenience — something kids “grow out of.” What we rarely discuss is how relentless bullying rewires a child’s mind, shaping how they see themselves, how they interact with the world, and how they carry shame long into adulthood.
As a child, I was relentlessly bullied for being skinny, quiet, bookish, and “different.” I was called slurs hundreds of times a day. I was physically assaulted in school bathrooms. I was laughed at in cafeterias. I was always picked last in gym class. Over time, something inside me shifted. I stopped trying to be seen. I began trying to disappear.
This is where Avoidant Personality patterns began to form — not because I was born shy, but because I was trained to believe visibility was dangerous.
Books became my safe place. My bedroom became my refuge. My dog became my only confidante. Human connection felt unsafe, unpredictable, and humiliating.
What people don’t understand is that bullying doesn’t end when school ends. The psychological effects persist:
Even decades later, after prison, after rebuilding my life, I still struggled with something as simple as ordering food at a restaurant or choosing a protein bar in a store. Not because I was incapable — but because years of being told I didn’t belong made decision-making feel terrifying.
Bullying teaches a child that they are fundamentally wrong. That lesson doesn’t disappear with age.